Misadventures in Fine Dining – La Mer

Noel’s parents celebrated their 40th Anniversary in July, so the five of us went out to dinner. Noel made reservations for Le Mer, a 5-star restaurant in the Halekulani Hotel, Waikiki. We arrived late on a Sunday evening - the restaurant was very quiet and the crowd was very thin. Even then, the staff made a very big deal about our table situation. The table we had reservations for (with a water view) was not yet available, so would we like to sit down and get started, and then move once the table was ready? I thought this rather bizarre and didn’t think it wouldn’t be necessary, but would defer to Noel’s parents. They didn’t seem to care one way or another either, so I guess the staff just assumed we would want to get started. As we walked to our table, Noel leaned in and whispered, “There’s nothing on the menu for you.” What? Not even a chicken course? Nope.
So we settled in at a very nice table with a decent view and we were promptly served an appetizer of one small puff pastry each, and champagne or sparkling cider. We all cracked up when the wait staff made a big deal of serving Robbie the cider, and it was even more absurd when he got the largest serving! As we read the menu, I realized Noel was right. Nada on the menu for me, all seafood and meat courses, no veggie entries in site. So I said to Noel, I’ll just see if they can make one of these vegetarian. I asked, and they did indeed have a vegetarian menu, and they brought it over. A three-course, price-fixed selection of veggies. I’ll take it!
As Noel is reading the menu, he asks me what “venison” is. Is it deer? I’d guess yes, but I really wouldn’t know. Then he says, “I’ll Google it!” And whips out his phone and proceeds to punch in “venison.” “Oh Jesus” I said under my breath, albeit a little too loud, because Noel says, “Did you just 'Oh Jesus' me?!?” Yes, I did. One, you’re using your phone in a 5-star restaurant, and two, you’re using it to figure out a menu item. He made a good point when he said, “You watch the Food Network all the time. Why don’t you know this?” I had to think about that one. I guess when I hear “venison” on any program I change the channel.
At this point in the evening, the wait staff said our next table was ready, so we packed up Robbie (who was already dining on his Cheerios) and headed over to another side of the restaurant. In the end I was really glad they made a fuss about it. We were seated next to the water, and it was as if we had our own private balcony. We could let Robbie out and he could wander around a little bit, which was a true blessing because our dining experience came to nearly 2.5 hours, way too long for a 2 year old to be confined to a rigid plastic highchair. Actually, none of us were able to sit very still for that long. It was kind of a nice excuse to have to get up and take a shift with Robbie.
But back to my veggies! The first course was a slice (think small helping of banana bread) of a roasted veggie, layered casserole, with a nickel-sized chink of goat cheese in the center. Not bad, although nothing to rave about. Second course was chilled tomato soup…served in a shot glass. Although it tasted fine it really should have been served warm. I wanted to send the shot glass back to be microwaved. The final course was really the joke of the day. The presentation was nice….steamed root vegetables in what I thought was some sort of dinner crepe. Carbs! I salivated at the thought. However, imagine my disappointment when I quietly tapped the “wrap” with my fork and found out it was just the papillote / parchment paper the veggies were steamed to oblivion in. (OK, I’m really not that stupid…it was a dark restaurant! It could have easily been some sort of “wrap!”) The plate was served with three small bowls on the side, containing two sauces and some white powder. I asked what the powder was…and they answered, “Salt.” I then discovered that my steamed-to-oblivion veggies were just that, steamed and not seasoned. At all! And they were just root vegetables, nothing fancy, and so over-cooked that they were nearly unrecognizable and/or ready to be mashed. The sauces were not that great, either. One red wine sauce that tasted too much like red wine for my liking, and something else that was forgettable. Noel sampled a few of the veggies, and said, “Yeah, those are awful.”
The others at the table seemed satisfied with their myriad of courses and selections, although they all were small. Noel’s Mom did manage to end up with enough left on her plate to request her remainders be bagged – but she is a petite woman who regularly eats very, very small portions anyway.
I’m thinking I really look like an uncultured fool with my review here, but here’s the final blow: the above veggie selections (plus desert) were $75! All other entrees started at $90 for only two courses. There are many more nice dining options in Waikiki that you can “splurge” for ($25-40 an entrée) and get 2-3 times the food, not to mention better recipes and flavors. So skip Le Mer and head elsewhere. The House without a Key and Orchids (other restaurants at the Halekulani), the Hula Grille above Duke’s at the Sheraton Waikiki, and The Yard House on Lewers Blvd. are all “approved” by me. I can’t wholeheartedly recommend Roy’s (a new location opened up in Waikiki this Spring) – but that’s a subject for another blog. And I promise I will no longer snub my nose at the folks we walk by occasionally, waiting for over an hour or more for chain restaurants like Cheesecake Factory. I might even join them next time!